Does anyone have a training manual on how to be a Mary?

Saying I've had a hard night doesn't quite seem to fit what I want to say, but it will have to do. I've been struggling all night on how to spend my newly acquired "free time." I didn't feel lead to go to the mission to worship, which was my original plan. I stayed home and tried to read my book, which for some reason wasn't as interesting as I was hoping for. Even though I've been waiting about 2 months to read it. I couldn't;t really check my email or blog because my mm was in the living room, TV on, school junk out and talking on the phone to my uncle about all the latest political stuff. Also she's mad that I forgot to vote. I was at bible study I'm sorry. God's soverinty is greater than man's free will anyway. Anyway I felt like I was going to explode.

I realized I had all of a sudden turn from Martha into Mary. I had being doing doing doing and going going going. Always consumed. Always something, and no time for whatever else. The queen of color coordinated calendar to remember when and where what was and why. Alicia from the Christmas play last year ring a bell? That was me.

Tuesday night I had an apostle from Florida prophesy over me. He told me that God wanted to grow me and show me stuff in the resting place. He said that I needed to be Mary and not Martha. My season of Martha was over and my season of Mary is beginning.

Nobody gave me the Mary manual.

I don't know how to do nothing. That's not me. I freaked out when I realized I had nothing to do. Everyone I called wasn't answering their phones. By the 7th person I realized God was trying to show me something. I broke down and started crying. I needed to get out of my house. All I could hear was the TV, which only made me want to watch it. (I don;t watch TV anymore though) I was tempted to go drive and rent a movie, I couldn't because my mom was watching TV and that's rude to kick her out because I wanted to be disobedient to the lord teaching me something. So I though I'll just go to the super cool prayer spot that kirsten showed me. I'll just stand and look over all of vacaville, breathe and let God calm my spirit and speak to me. Then I though that I would go find a park and swing on the swing sets. I love swings. I love the feeling of when you swing up and you hang in the air for a split second you are completely weightless. I think that is the most amazing liberating feeling ever. It gives me joy just thinking about it.

Right as I started my car kirsten called me. I told her all of my nervous freakout ness and she talked me though my whatever it was. She was there when pastor bill prophesied over me and just confirmed that God really just wants me to rest and soak in him. She's good at soaking. She gave me some ideas and told me to come over. We hung out for awhile before her roommates came home. They are also my friends. Renee and I hung out till 1am.

God is just so good. Even in my freak out ness, he is so faithful and wonderful. I'm going to try an make Friday a soaking resting day. It's my day off, so it shouldn't be too hard.

Please pray for me as I undergo this transformation in my life. I am so used to be Martha, yet my desire is to be Mary.

Lord teach me to rest in you and upon your word. Increase my faith to believe that this is your desire for me. You want to spend quantity not just quality time with me. You desire intimacy and that takes time. Time, real minutes on a clock, as you created it with seconds and hours. You grew and birthed things in people over time, not in a quick "your in your out" here's my 30 minutes work with in that timing. Lord forgive me for not being a Mary. Forgive me to lying to myself and other allowing them to think that I was a Mary. Lord I need to be renewed everyday. Be new to me everyday, let my knowledge and understanding of you grow deeper everyday. Manifest your love though me to your people. You are so good. So Good.